I am sitting here staring at my screen (and Friends on the TV in front of me) trying desperately to think. THINK THINK THINK about some thing. It seems that all brain function has ceased to exist since I lost my job and have had my surgery. I sit in this F'in bed everyday-stare at my computer and cast casual glances at the TV-if I had a mirror I would not want to look at it... there is a chance I would see drool dripping gently from the corner of my mouth.
I used to have this vibrante mind. It wanted to paint and write. It loved color and movement-doing things-moving. Now I can't seem to focus on anything. It is so frusterating!
I have things to do but I cannot form the thought needed to move myself forward. Auto-pilot. That is the best way to describe my thoughts right now. I feel as if I am on auto-pilot and I am struggling to regain control.
I hate winter...I hate not having money...I hate not having a purpose.
Granted I have my daughter-she has become my reason for living-I do not know where I would be without her. I owe her more than who I am. I owe myself more than who I am.
I just don't know where the on switch is.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment