The New Years Resolution Blog

If I made resolutions this year, it would take me five years to complete them. I have never been a resolution kind of girl and I never will be. If I make a decision to do something most likey I will fail after a few days (see other blog nico-givingupperez@blogspot.com) mainly because I don't like being told I CANNOT do something. Yes, even if I am the one telling me not to do it. So here are the things that I already have in the works, and fuck, if I get them done by the end of next year... Fantastic.

1. Better Mom. I am a pretty fatastic mom, I spend alot of time with my kid, teach her well and over all make her a happy kid. However; I have close to zero patience for bad behavior and sometimes react in an un attractive way when Kennedee is pushing my buttons... working on it.

2.The prerequisite-eat better. I am getting old, and the pouch of a belly that used to be cute...not so cute anymore. Must eliminate immediatly. This also requires getting off my ass. Oh and no more soda.

3. Stop being so frickin boring. I really do not have a life. Granted it is Minnesota and I am a freeze baby. I ain't going out. Unfortunatly that is the reason no one calls me anymore. I never go out. Recently my babies dad and I changed our schedule because it is Tax season and he is a CPA. His wife is busy, so they only have time to see K on the weekends. Woo hoo for me! Most of my friends go out Saturdays... for the last 2 years I have had Fridays off. This should add to my friend fund substantially. And the great thing is, not only do I get Saturday night off... i get all of Sunday off. This leads to number

4. Write my book. Though it may not be apparent her on my blog, I do have a bit of writing talent. I am putting most of that into a book. I like to pretend I am doing it for fun, but to be honest, most people that write books want them to be published some day. That will be non resolution 2011.

My Nada Surf plug

Seriously, if I could post every album ever put out my Nada Surf, here to read for you, I would. I have 3 of their songs in my playlist, but it does not do them justice and it is not enough (though Blonde on Blonde is quite possibly my number one of all time. Actually, let's not lie, it is my number one of all time!

I liken it to the first time I heard Coldplay. I sat in the dark, taking in the AWESOMENESS that is/was Coldplay... After about a week or two I moved on.

Nada Surf is different. They are a treasure that cannot compare to anything else I have heard. Matthew Cawes is beautiful in every way. He is a wonderful song writer. Beautiful voice that takes all my emotional energy and channels it into complete desire to enbedd his singing into every pore, so that I never lose it.

I am sorry

I am here to apologize today to the three people that probably read this, or my other blog. They really suck right now! I think all of my creativity is being siphoned into my book right now, so I cannot find anything of importance to say to you.
For example; I saw Soul Asylum on the 19th of this month. This has to be one of the singular most important moments of my life (minus the birth of my kid...that one is a givin) And I had nothing to say about it. NOTHING! I could not be more disappointed in myself for not immortalizing that moment here. Bad Bad Bad.
And speaking of my daughter, the amazing amount of things she does on a daily basis that make my heart stop and plumment into my stomach, good and bad... those are things that I should be putting her. My visions of the world, my belief that everything that the IT department blocks at my work....there is one magical moment during the day in which I can open these web sites...I should record that. Not all that exciting, but it's better than the crap I have NOT put on this blog.
I have two blogs and I am working on a novel. I may have to cut back somewhere. Only so much can fit into my head before the migraines start to blossom.

Jibberish
Total Jibberish

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Getting into it

I am in the process of writting... stories. I have two of them going at the moment. Actually I have three, but one of them is just going to sit for awhile. It is semi fantasy and I don't think I am a fantasy writer. Anywhoo. I am getting into it tonight and I am hoping that it will continue. Mainly I just start writting... waiting for something to hover below the surface waiting for me to yank it out. One story is about a woman named Mora in search of her missing teapot. At least that is what the story is right now. Not sure what it is goinng to become. I only have about 1000 words out so it can take a turn at anytime. The other story I am writting is more of an exercise than anything else. It is about the possibility of Cinderella not getting prince charming...one of her step sisters does. I am writing the tale from Cinderella's eyes and than I am going to write it from the step sisters and than from Mr. Charmings. I am curious to see what happens. That is why I like writting. It's like telling your self a story. Who knows what is going to happen. It is hard though. I am pretty good with descriptions, but I have trouble with plot. I know where I want it to go...for the most part...but I am not sure how to get it there yet. I am hoping the Cinderella story will help me out. Especially from differnt perspectives. Anyway, wish me luck! Once I am done with the Cinderella story I will post it here.

Update:

I am totally engrossed in my story about Mora... Cinderella is just chillin in the background. I am totally digging what is going on with Mora though! I might post a tidbit, but this is something I am working on hoping for an actual publication someday, even if for right now it is just fun, so I may wait on that.

FUCK...The first snowfall of the year

So here is the thing. I am deathly, crazily, almost to the point of medical hospital commital, afraid of driving in the snow. I am the queen of mild phobias, but this one climbs up the ladder, out the window,around the house and to grandmothers house we go...I hate it. When Kennedee was about 9 months old we once spent four days straight in the house, because I refused to drive in the first snow storm until it was pretty much melted or I realized that people were coming back from their time out in the snow.
Granted, I get up, and start the car and I DO drive to where I need to go...however; I am WHITE KNUCKED the entire time.
I think about the prosepect of driving in the snow around, oh, June. Yes I am telling the truth. It occupies the better part of my brain way more than the average persons. I am terrified.
Point being, tomorrow I have to get up, sweep my car off, warm it up, pile my pretty princess into the car and white knuckled it for the first time in... damn.

Update:

I have been doing okay since the first snowfall... but beware... January is heading our way.

Fantasy or Reality

"Would you rather live in a fantasty, or deal with reality?" Personally, I have become quite fond of my fantasies. While reality is satisfying and in no way do I live a life that requires medication for sedation, I do find the art of spinning elaborate fantasies in my head to be most comforting. To be honest, well, it feel kind of normal to me. I am not sure how I would make it through the day if I were not spinning some psuedo life for myself. Fantasies, make believe...Were else can a girl like me write a song that everyone wants to hear, or write a book that everyone is dying to read. Where else but in the depths of my mind am I going to meet my prince charming after he spots me from across the room at a rock show. He of course searched the arena over looking for me when I disappeared from his sight.

It reality I am a mother. In reality I am a mail clerk that can barely pay the rent, much less find money for rock shows and cocktails. In reality I have the friends I love, I keep them close and it is hard for me to let other's in. In reality I am safe...Sometimes a girl just wants to cut loose, and that is what fantasies are for. Maybe someday, I will do a flip switch and the girl that exists in my head with wade out from underneath the suffocating waves of doubt that keep me down, but for now, I will enjoy the tales I spin.

Jealous Girlfriends

Last night I saw Nada Surf, Delta Swift and The Jealous Girlfriends. They played at the Fineline... I would like to say, that I fell back in love with music last night. Since I have become a mother, so many things have been put on the back burner for me. My creativity: love of music, painting, photography. I stopped really taking time to induldge in the things that I love.

The Jealous Girlfriends have brought out that musical beast again... and I love it! I cannot get enough of YouTube, scouring for the those unfound treasures, like The Jealous Girlfriends. They brought to life apart of me that has been suffocated for so long!
When I was younger I could spend hours on end in record stores, writing fanzines, and overall being a music geek. I was the girl that was moved to tears, always in the back, just breathing in the music. I wasn't hardcore on the outside, but it was who I was. Slowly that fizzled until it became nothing. So I am welcoming that part of me back tonight. I think you will be seeing me at the Fineline, First Avenue and were ever else I can get my grubbly little paws into to rekindle the love that I once had for music.

Spencer D "If you could change anything about the music industry, what would it be?" Nada Surf's Matthew Caws "Eliminate everything but college radio, record stores and concert halls."

Perfect.

My first blog

Okay, here we go. This is my first blog, and I do not have much to say.

Today was Thanksgiving, and I had a wonderful day with my family. My daughter has taken

quite a liking to her Uncle Tony today. They danced and "wrestled" (or as Kennedee said, she ticked his nose.)

I am heading into a good place in my life. I can feel something changing inside of me. My thoughts are different, my tastes are different, my wants and needs are different.

I turn 30 next year, and while I am not

scared for this time of my life, it is possible that I am apprehensive as to what to expect.

I think I am finally coming to terms with who I am and who I want to be. These people are two VERY differnt people. So here I go...changing who I am, into who I want to be. Who I think my true self is.

Where do I begin? There are so many possiblities and so many questions that I have.

How does one go about re-inventing themself?

Though I have no issues with who I am, I do know that I want more.

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