The terrible 3's? Or the terrible 29's?

Slowly losing it! Kennedee has taken to the terrible threes. What this entails it to say no to EVERYTHING-freak out for no reason-and the ability to change her mind within a split second-all the while freaking out as if I am shoving her into a cage full of salavating bulldogs or pissed of Kangroos.
So tonight was one of those nights. "No..(turn the computer off).No..(Get in the bathtub).No..Stop whining)." Didn't matter. Everything was a no...and when I accepted the "No." It became "But I want too!" and the whining recomensed. OH MY GOD!

So I lost it. She apologized for telling me no when I told her to get off the computer (we have a timer system. Usually works...sometimes-not so much).

Than there was a fiasco with taking a bath. "Yes...No...Yes...No...But I want too!" LOST IT! I LOST IT!

I screamed and she froze...the tears started to flow. Oh My God! I am sorry baby. But it was to late. We both had lost it. She was crying and I was screaming. I am crap. I hate it when I lose my temper like that.
Anyway. After I make a complete ass of myself-K and I sit together and I talk to her. I tell her that Mama should not have yelled at her. That Mama lost her patience. She is three...she gets it. I don't have to go into detail with her. She sees it in my face how sorry I am to have yelled.

At that moment-her big chocolate eyes lookiing at me-and I cry. I cry for making her cry. She looks at me in shock. She takes her precious hands and cups my face-wiping the tears from my eyes. She is trying to smile-she wants to make me smile. What a perfect little angel. I don't deserve her.

She looks at me-trying so hard to smile and she says to me "I'll make you feel better...Okay?" And she wipes my tears. As this happens her voice cracks and her laughter turns into sobs.
Even though what led up to that moment was sad-she tried to put on a brave face... My aplified vocals had scared her-but my crying had scared her more.

The look on her face as she cupped my face-fighting the fact that her laughter was turning into a cry.

During this moment I had to look at myself and say "Who is the grown-up here?"
That moment will stay in my brain forever. The sound of her voice-her contorted face.

I am the grown-up. She should be able to cry if she wants-and I should apologize everything I turn her smile into tears.